#what fucking big thing does israel have or know or can do that it's got everyones balls in their grip bc this is pathetic

[baekuras]

During work we got a radio going upstairs and I swear every time I hear them mention how x,y or z-person of the german (and others sadly) government fully endorse and want to help Israel I wanna hit someone

"We fully trust that Israel will stay within humanitarian laws during these attacks" bitch they already broke em? We are way past "uwu but poor Israel has to defend itself" being churned out over and over and OVER again

I am sorry but if "defend yourself" is equal to mass murdering thousands of innocent people deliberately-either quickly via bombs or slowly by letting them die from thirst or hunger or festering wounds etc....then I got a new defense in court prepared for whatever may come

Aside from the fact that if we treat a whole nation as terrorists because of one group we'd have to nuke a whole lot of places so Hamas hiding, or not, or yes actually, but no we know fully where they are-whatever the better 'truth' is right now is still insane

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

I tried so hard not to be parasocial about it but this letter thing is fucking me up, man. I've written a few overly flattering letters to evil government officials before myself. but how did someone convince all these reasonable-seeming people (strangers that I do not know) to publicly sign this centrist-ass letter? I understand they probably got Taika Waititi and Jack Black with the everyone can share, peace and love on the planet earth wording, but Jordan Peele? what. how did that happen. it makes no sense to me.

Ok I'm gonna front load my position on the Israel-Palestine conflict before I answer this ask so that no one can accuse me of shit I didn't say. If you want to see what I have to say on the letter itself, scroll to the big font. I'm as anti-zionist as they come I don't think that governments should even exist at all, I consider Israel to be an illegitimate state the same way I consider the country I live in (USA) to be an illegitimate state. I think that if we're going to have countries at all, which we shouldn't, that country should be Palestine and individual Jewish people certainly should be welcome to move there for whatever reason they want, including religious, but that the people who already lived there shouldn't be displaced because of it. And if they wanted me to support Israel on the basis of Jewish people needing somewhere to go after the Holocaust, they should have put Israel in Europe in 1945 instead of in the Arabian Peninsula in 1918. I tend to think the hard core zionists who aren't Jewish are trying to deport diaspora Jewish people somewhere based on the way I have heard other goyim speak about Israel. I am sympathetic to Jewish people who believe this has nuance but ultimately I cannot condone the displacement of Palestinians. That position might lose me followers but really I don't care.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way

(This first paragraph is for everyone who's out of the loop and has only seen the Tumblr posts about this issue, Anon does seem to know what I'm about to say) I do also think this whole thing with the letter is being blown out of proportion a little bit? That's not to say it's a good letter, it does contain language which blames Hamas for the conflict which is the western propaganda line so that countries like the United States and Britain don't have to admit that they caused and are funding this whole operation because they hate brown people. However celebrities are rubes who fall for government propaganda all the fucking time. What the letter itself actually calls for is Biden to facilitate the release of Israeli hostages. I consider this letter to be the vaguely Zionist equivalent of that time all those celebrities got on zoom and sang imagine because COVID was happening. I certainly doubt that the man who produced Get Out and Us supports the genocide and I also question whether the man who directed Reservation Dogs does either. Most likely they were asked "will you sign a letter calling for the release of Israeli hostages?" And they said "well releasing hostages sounds nice."

(this paragraph is for anon) Despite the fact that I think "these 70 celebrities condone Palestinian genocide" is incredibly reductive I would encourage you to see these people as human beings, and more specifically idiot millionaires who are out of touch. I believe that Taika Waititi understands the Maori struggle and generally tries to be a nice liberal but ultimately he is a man who grew up in the 80s with a lot of money who has an interest in keeping that money. His gaff transphobia tweets (which I didn't think were that bad considering he made it in 2013 and wasn't even talking about trans women, but they were still transphobic) and his pearl clutching during the BLM riots made this abundantly clear (both of these incidents are Taika Twitter originals that people have sent me trying to get me to hate him and I saw both of them and was like "that's what I thought you'd say old man"), and the fact that he married Rita "blackfish" Ora. I'm way less plugged in to what Jordan Peele is doing because I've never had an anon send me his call out post but I'm going to assume that the same thing is true of him: he understands the struggle of black people in the United States, despite this moment of basedness I probably politically disagree with him on many many counts. As for Jack Black he donates to autism speaks so he's coming for me and the Palestinians. Although that said so does Gaga and I'm still very much a fan of her.

I've basically had to come to terms with the fact that no celeb that I like the work of agrees with me about politics because all of them are rich and I am a communist. That's not going to stop me from liking their work, it's not going to stop me from bothering some of them at cons when I get the chance. Because again they're just guys. And most guys are idiots. I am an idiot about a lot of things. We don't expect Taika Waititi or Jordan Peele to know about every conflict in the world we expect them to make entertaining and perhaps insightful movies. I am not here because I think Taika agrees with me on all things. I am here because I want to watch a rom com about gay men who murder people, one of whom is just like me for real.

Anyway do your research

[infiniteglitterfall]

I like most of this guy's videos. He's funny. He does good crowd work. He's Jewish and Italian. These are all good things.

I don't know what I thought was going to happen in this one. I definitely didn't expect him to create a metaphor in which Jews are furries.

I'm tired. I'm tired of the misinformation and the disinformation. So I took his furry metaphor and ran with it.

Israel's not an ethnostate. It's only about 73% furries.

You don't have to be a furry to get Israeli citizenship. It's just a little easier. Because the costume keeps you warm when those desert temperatures plummet at night.

The point where it crosses the line into antisemitism is when people start calling all furries "baby killers."

Although honestly, it seems like people will believe literally anything of actual furries. I mean, I kinda get it. I used to have a coworker whose fursona was a dolphin. I don't even think dolphins have fur. Why do I know what his fursona was? Well, mainly because he got called out for having dolphin relations in the dolphin chat when he was supposed to be doing human work.

That's not a furry problem, that's a My Old Coworker problem. But I didn't know anything about furries. I was as ignorant and biased as the rest of us.

And part of that bias with literal furries, just like with metaphorical ones, is that a lot of people are willing to believe pretty much ANYTHING of THOSE weirdos.

I mean, first a group that was founded to destroy Israel, because it thinks furries morally corrupt all societies (possibly through all the yiffing?), invades and mutilates, tortures, and burns its way across an area larger than the Gaza Strip. In one day.

And for months, while more and more horrifying details about this keep coming out, I'm simultaneously hearing all my furless friends insist that Hamas didn't kill any civilians, it didn't rape anybody, it was really just doing a really good protest. We should all be so fierce!

Since Hamas is #goals, Israel can't actually be trying to wipe out Hamas. That's not believable. It's obviously just telling civilians to get out of the way so that it can get them all in one place and flatten their humanitarian zones. (Eventually. Be patient.)

It's not that this isn't a genocide! It's just one of the slow ones!

Anyway, genocides aren't defined by NUMBERS anymore. Now, they're just defined by intent. And Israel obviously intends to wipe out all of Gaza and take the land.

That's why it destroyed all the Israeli settlements in Gaza in 2005, and made every Israeli leave the Strip. The first step in any genocide is to lull them into a false sense of security for, like, eighteen years.

I didn't hear any of the smooth-shorn talking about the pogroms in Russia last year. But now everybody wants to explain why this stuff in Amsterdam isn't a pogrom. Just like October 7.

I guess people hate Israel so much that they figure, if some Israel soccer fans act like total assholes, the best idea is to get on Whatsapp and Telegram and organize a furry hunt.

I mean, they're not wrong! As long as they're Israeli, you can post a video of yourself calling it a furry hunt. You can post a video of yourself running one of them over with your car. You can post a video of yourself body-slamming one to the ground, and all your friends curb-stomping them, or kicking their unconscious bodies. You can call them furries to their face while you beat them. You can attack bystanders who try to "help a furry."

(This goes double if they try to defend themselves. A furry defending themself is automatically seen as an attacker. It's those big costumes. They make you loom.)

You can wait till they've all gone home, protest your government having a debate about whether that was anti-furry behavior, and set an empty tram on fire while yelling "cancer furries." (A Dutch slur I wish I didn't know that basically means "fucking furries," only more so.)

You can destroy a local "street library" of Hebrew books. Then you can drive an hour home to Apeldoorn, and cover your city with stickers demanding it become "furry-free."

And nobody will believe you have an anti-furry bone in your body. Because you were so clearly getting your deeply justified revenge on the horrible soccer fans that you'd heard about.

Who, let's face it, are probably all baby-killers anyway, since a couple of years in the military is mandatory over there. So it's basically a victimless crime. With any luck, the war will wipe out antisemitism entirely. I can't think of a single antisemitic incident over the past year.

Even when some kids were drawing swastikas on the board at a local elementary school and yelling "Kill Jews" at their walk-out, a close friend who is Very Concerned About Antisemitism assured me that wasn't it. She says that "people exaggerate and lie about antisemitic incidents," and that it's all a widespread smear campaign against pro-Palestinians.

We just have to make sure people keep taking anything that WOULD be antisemitism, and aiming it at Israelis. Or Jews who think it's okay for Israel to exist. Or Jews, but in the context of hating Israel, which is probably what they actually meant, since everyone knows that Israel is a 100% Jewish ethnostate!

It's not going to be easy -- well, it's probably going to be easy. As long as they don't mistake any of us for those Bad Jews. But I believe in us. We can make this happen. We can finally live the dream. Next Year, Definitely Not In Jerusalem!

[queenwille]

IDF: Israeli Defense Forces

Defending themselves from what? Displaced Palestinians hiding out in buildings? The children?

Cause last I saw, Palestine weren’t the ones with white phosphorus missiles bombing Israel every other day and wiping out the population,

wait wait wait, let me start at the very beginning- your question about what does israel have to defend itself a is joke, right…? please tell me you did not come in here to waste my time without doing the bare minimum and research something. you owe me that much if you’d like me to take you seriously.

look, idk at which point did you tune into the west’s favorite reality show which is the middle east crisis, but i honestly don’t have the time nor the patience to catch you up in all of the episodes you’ve missed up until now and that’s even if we only focus on the gaza area. what can i say, some of us were just lucky enough to be born into this. others, such as yourself, have the world wide web for free, go wild.

mmm values. that’s the thing, all those spicy stories you’ve mentioned there? y’all know about them, but you people never catch up about how the IDF took them one by one to military trail for misconduct. nah, why should you care about that part? it ruins your whole immature narrative about the bad guys, huh? y’all would rather stick to the pathetic narrative where this is a fairytale where there are big bad IDF monsters and poor little princesses to save. well, sorry, but life’s more complex than that. yep, the good guys can do bad things and the bad guys can actually not be just bad. it’s called real life. not one angry anon, like yourself, has ever asked me, or any other identifying zionist, what we think about any of those morally questionable issues, y’all just keep assuming what we think and dehumanizing us, but somehow we keep being labeled as the bigots over and over again.

i’m glad you’ve mentioned those tiktok dances because those are usually soldiers who don’t even fight in combat and y’all like to attack them online so much. many of them are not even armed. you know which other soldiers were unarmed? the female soldiers murdered (16, one of them by a doctor in captivity in gaza) or taken hostage (7, one rescued, one murdered, 5 still held hostage to this day) on october 7th. shocking, i know, but not all IDF soldiers are armed. did it matter?

me signaling? do you see me giving out random twitter posts by FUCK KNOWS WHO as valid sources? no? so no, i don’t take it as a valid source. sorry, friend. and my best bud al jazeera? besides the fact that they’ve been proven and, i believe, even admitted to exaggerating with their death tolls, they’re funded by the qatari government. i’ll let you google who qatar used to house before israel —— him and who else it supports financially (spoiler: both start with H). other than that, for good measures, when i’d like to give out a source, i usually avoid using, not only israeli sources, but also jewish ones. just looking out for all of my antisemites out there. 🫡

when did i call it an accident? find me one time time i referred to a palestinian death as an accident. go on, i’ll wait. that’s right, i didn’t. there is though, a difference i make between the people massacred on october 7th and people who get killed as a result of war and y’all never seem to like that. don’t get me wrong, i find both to be horrific, but there’s a very clear difference between being gunned down, raped, abused, mutilated, tied down with cables and more to getting hurt/killed as a result of being unfortunate enough to live at an active warzone. i say this btw about israelis who, unfortunately, got killed/hurt from the missiles fired from gaza during this war as well… and soldiers. it’s just not the same, i’m sorry. what happened on october 7th was purely dystopian and the fact that so many of you keep trying to deny/ignore/justify/compare it to anything else, despite hamas (unlike the nazis) not covering even one drop of blood shed or even part of their intentions, is really baffling. even more so in the 21st century when literally everything is at the palm of your hands. it truly is amazing how much you’re willing to ignore just to feed your white savior complex by patronizing and forcing your western white ideology on terrorist organizations such as hamas.

never have i said to mind your own business. i personally believe that it’s important to be informed and get engaged outside of your very own bubble. hell, i’m a SW student who majors in community work/activism. i do have a few questions though. do you do it cause you’re entitled to? i mean, because your taxes paid for it? so like, you paid a ticket for the show and now you deserve in? like when you vote for your favorite singer on the the voice? that’s the thing, many of you come in here, wanting your slice of the matter, while thinking that reading a little on social media is enough. it’s not. be respectful.

[elliespuns]

What is your perspective on tlou2 being inspired by the Israel-Palestine conflict? It didn't register with me at first but I've gotten too attached to the characters by the time that I discovered it and it is genuinely disappointing HOWEVER I have separated their narratives from the political dimension of the game by just focusing solely on the individual emotional journeys that each of the characters go through and I never really bought the games myself first hand except get them second hand but is it still wrong to adore the characters?

Not happy about it. I mean, who would be?

I wasn't aware of it at first either; it just didn't click, and then I started seeing the rumors, and well, it all made sense. I am disappointed. Not at all for Neil Druckmann, though. I don't really care about him (except for his amazing mind, where he created Ellie and Joel, the only fictional characters that I've got to love so much). What I am disappointed in more is that almost everyone thinks that once you continue to love this game, you support the evil too. Which is not how I feel about it.

But then again, does even my opinion matter? I've already got a lot of anon messages throwing hate on me for managing a blog about TLOU and supporting the evil. And I sit here and wonder... where did I ever say that I supported the bad side of the conflict? I don't think I ever did. Why? Because I don't talk about politics on this blog. This blog has been made to share love with all TLOU lovers, not to support Neil Druckmann or anyone else's political views or to even share about politics in general.

People are quick to judge. They go and preach to stand with Palestine and then go hate on the people who chose to stay quiet. People should realize that individuals managing fandom blogs and not sharing politics doesn't automatically mean that they support the evil. We (bloggers) have our own personal lives out of our blogs and our own personal accounts. Many of us are posting about the conflict on our personal social media. People should think about this before making bloggers feel like shit for managing silly blogs where they don't want to discuss what can be discussed elsewhere.

I have a deep bond with this game; I had it a long time ago before any of this was happening (everyone knows I will always prefer the first game over the second). This is not something I can just throw away. I have memories connected to it, feelings, emotions... it's not like I can tell myself 'fuck the game' now just because of the news I got. I guess it's easy for others when the bond is not so strong, but this game has been in a better part of my life for so long, and believe it or not... when I think about how Ellie and Joel make me happy, I don't have fucking Druckmann in mind or any of his political views.

I will never mix my admiration for this project with politics. Me not agreeing with Neil Druckmann's political views won't change the fact that I've already fallen in love with this game years ago. I am not loving Druckmann; I am loving something he once created. That is a big difference. Especially if you've already loved the game before the conflict.

I say, unless you're actively supporting the propaganda and throwing your money at it, you are not hurting anybody. You, being emotionally connected to the story of this propaganda's project or its characters won't really change a thing. Not for good, yes, but not for bad either.

Anyway, this is my opinion. I think people should stop judging those who are not sharing politics on their fandom blogs because they never know what these people share on their personal accounts. We are here to enjoy things that are free; love and joy for fictional characters we've adored for too long.

Sorry, I got a bit carried away. This is probably the only post about politics I'll share, so this needed to be said.

Anyway, you don't need to feel bad for loving the characters. You are not doing anything wrong. I think every one of us who still loves TLOU to this day is able to detach from the fact of who's behind the games. We're here for Ellie and Joel. They don't care about Druckmann either.elliespuns answers

[hoonvrs]

well don’t get me wrong, i boycott myself and i’m educating everybody in my family and close friends about it but the thing is with such sensitive topics that are discussed, educating should be respectful and what i saw happening especially on twt is far from being respectful

people in general get really defensive when called such names, as they should though! if a teacher calls his students idiots about something they don’t know that means he’s not really a good teacher. most importantly that means he’s not an effective teacher and that’s what’s a deal-breaker when our goal is to reach as many people as we can

same with this situation, those people who called jake names probably will call others too, including people in real life and that’s the problem, because being disrespectful and rude is not educating, it only generates bigger barrier between people and the issue we’re trying to address

i’m very glad he apologised and hope he doesn’t do the same mistake in the future, what a shame k-engenes decided to report op’s account though

jake is a grown man with dick and balls trust someone random on twt calling him an idiot will not hurt him.

ur scenario is useless and irrelevant cause this isn’t a teacher situation, he’s an idol and they are an account on twt both don’t have any responsibility to teach or protect the other

what jake did was stupid and the account had every right to call him that imo because remember this isn’t about a class situation where he got an equation wrong this is about GENOCIDE

tens of thousands of people are dying and he openly showed himself drinking from a israel donator who is huge on the boycott list during a whole fucking genocide but people instead decided to focus on the acc calling him stupid like are you brain dead??? that isn’t even .1 of the problem

also the account has no responsibility to ‘educate’ people on what’s going on that’s on you, you can’t even feign ignorance because it’s been such a big topic and we all know enha are online so much so you’re telling me idols will find memes from a random twt acc with 6 followed but not this😐 they’re probably not out calling random people stupid anyway cause babe i’ve said worse to people i’ve seen in starbucks because shaming does work whether you like it or not

anyways calling jake stupid or an idiot won’t hurt him the slightest i’m sure he’s a big boy and can handle himself but people sending death threats to op and the twt acc like i see where you’re morals lie now.

i’m happy he apologised but it is the bare minimum anybody has a right to be and still be angry with jake because this is about lives being lost idc about hurting your feelings

people need to stop coming into my inbox talking none sense and giving stupid hypothetical comparisons. put your morals over kpop and grow tf up

[intosnarkness]

I was raised in a very Christian household, used to get on this website for teenagers and young people to mingle among other people in the faith and I had a friend who was what she called a Messianic Jew. From memory I can’t really remember the differences, I’m strictly just curious. It always fascinates me how different being raised in Jewish household can be compared to Christianity, a lot of similarities but a lottttt more big differences.

I'm not sure what your exact question is here, but I'm going to answer "what is a messianic jew?". If that's not what you meant, please let me know.

Messianic Jews are people who call themselves Jewish while believing that Christ is the Messiah.

And here's why I have a problem with that:

The first thing we have to do is define "jew", which is a lot harder than you think. Jews are an ethnoreligious group. Very simply, that means that to be "Jewish" is both an ethnicity and a religion.

My family is ethnically Ashkenazi Jewish; when we entered the diaspora we went to the Holy Roman Empire, then Germany, and finally settled in Eastern Europe. When my mom did a DNA test, she got "96% Ashkenazi Jewish" on her results. It is a group that can be traced through DNA as well as culture and location. (More about Jewish Ethnic divisions.) You cannot become an Ashkenazi Jew unless you are born as one, just like you cannot become Hispanic or Latino unless you are born as one.

Now, my family is also religiously Jewish, meaning I grew up in Jewish traditions. I went to Hebrew school, I became Bat Mitzvah when I was 13, and I hold Jewish values and a Jewish outlook. Anyone can become a religious Jew through conversion. It's not easy, but it can be done and is done all the time. Once you convert, you are considered no different from people who grew up in the faith, and I was raised that it is forbidden to ever ask if a person is a convert.

So, a religiously Jewish person can be of any ethnicity and an ethnically Jewish person can be any religion. Therefore, it is possible to have a Christian Jew- that is, an ethnically Jewish person who has converted to Christianity. There are actually a lot of these, in no small part due to things like the Spanish Inquisition, which allowed conversion as an alternative to death or exile. It's why people like Madeline Albright are possible; she was raised Roman Catholic and didn't know she was ethnically Jewish until she read about it in the Washington Post.

Okay, so that's our definition of terms. A Jew is someone of the Jewish ethnic group, a person who practices Judaism, or someone who is both.

Now, we have to ask ourselves, what is a Messiah? Messiah, or Moshiach, is a Hebrew word for King. And depending on what kind of Jew you ask, he may or may not be coming. Remember, if you have 5 Jews, you have 6 opinions. We don't agree on much. And for the record, I was taught that it is every Jew's job to make the world as good as possible and get us as close as possible to the Messianic age, because Moshiach will only come when he is no longer needed. This is part of what Tikkun Olam is, literally "repairing the world". But the general thrust is that, if he is coming, Moshiach will rebuild the temple in Jerusalem and usher in an era of peace and prosperity for Jews.

Because Jesus did neither of those things, he does not fit the Jewish requirement to be Moshiach. So Judaism believes that Jesus was a false messiah. He said some good shit, but he wasn't The Guy.

So, a person who believes that Jesus is Moshiach cannot be religiously Jewish. It just doesn't jibe with the rest of it. They can be ethnically Jewish, but that's not in general what Messianic Jews mean.

Now, I also have a knee-jerk "oh fuck that" reaction to messianic Judaism, specifically Jews for Jesus, because they have run themselves for years as a covert conversion front. Cause Jesus is only going to come back when the Jews are all either in Israel, dead, or Christians. So convert 'em. It's deeply unsettling to me. I don't want to call it genocidal, but it does seem to hinge on the destruction of groups of people, so.

IDK if that answers your question, but that's what I've got for now.

[squided]

Has anyone else experienced their parents getting progressively more rude, intrusive, and hypocritical as they got older? Like my mom had me pretty late in life (she was 37) so I recognize I have an older mom than most. And yeah during my teenage years and stuff I thought she was annoying but she was genuinely a good and caring mom. But honestly I've noticed since she's hit her 60s and went through a bad second marriage, she lashes out a lot, expects me to be productive 7 days a week, essentially work all day long, spend 1 hour of relaxation, and then sleep. Anytime this gets me agitated, she goes on about how she needs to work two jobs and 7 days a week and SHE never gets rest and I don't see HER complaining (she is literally complaining about it all the time). Essentially since ive had to live with her again temporarily I've put up with it and have taken on the same workload as her and I've discovered.... there's no way to please her. Every day I should be studying so I can get certifications, I should be looking at new jobs because she doesn't approve of how my managers treat me at my minimum wage job (every job I've had so far), I need to clean the house and my room, I need to go to work, I need to look at universities, I need to make 10 phone calls that will keep me on hold for an hour at a time, I need to pull the weeds in the yard. If I fail a single task, it's met with disappointment and talking about how much work she does and how little I do. If I do all the tasks, then come a list of questions: how's my money doing? Have I been saving it or spending it recklessly? Have I tried quitting smoking yet? Have I cleaned some obscure thing she mentioned a month ago and I forgot about? This keeps going until I give an answer she doesn't like and then we are back at my generation being so lazy, how the younger people just don't work as well as her generation did.

And the thing is... she never used to talk like this. She was always far left, full equality, against classism and ageism. But then the "unbiased" news changed. It stopped covering certain things the US didn't want covered. Suddenly I'm explaining to her that in Israel, people will have parties while watching the bombs drop, there are "settlers" going into Gaza and just claiming other people's land. And she says that's not true, she didn't see it on the news, she looked it up online and the major news sites never covered it once since 2014. Every time I bring up some horrible thing that's definitely happening, she just says I've become a conspiracy theorist and MY thinking is really dangerous and she's worried about me (at which point I snapped a bit and told her that actually her willful ignorance is extremely dangerous and what leads to all these atrocities getting swept under the rug. She threatened to kick me out for being so incredibly disrespectful to her).

I don't know what the point of this post is anymore. Maybe I just wanna ramble about someone I truly respected slowly becoming someone I can barely stand to hold a conversation with. Maybe it has something to do with how people are told to only trust big news organizations for real news and then they censor it so all real news looks like conspiracy theorist trash. Or maybe it just has something to do with age, some sort of thing that naturally occurs as you approach a certain age, and the only way to prevent it is to be aware it's occurring and reject its falsehoods. Or I don't know dude... I've been stuck inside for a month... I think I just needed to fucking vent to the Great Void. If you're listening, hey there Great Void, I hope you're doing better than I am.

[taxfraudhousewife]

might i rest in your hands a while and soak up all your light

might i drink the sweat from your palms and the blood from your hangnails

only for a moment

might i hear you scold me for giving up

might your words be fierce with fire and put fire back in me

if i read and learned and hoped and prayed

would i even find you

some internet people are saying the whole israel thing is driving the masses to revert

seemingly normal internet people talking about how they read the quran

it makes me think the price will be high

equal if not more

i know there’s not a finite number of muslims that can exist at the same time

still isn’t there

what if in a hundred years the masses revert

in exchange for forty thousand palestinians

what if it has to be more to buy the masses

what if there really is an order to things

no i am not converting to replace your weight in the islamic equilibrium

thought about it considered it realized i’m being fucking crazy

if you were here if i converted you’d be pissed off at me

say you’re not muslim jesus and you don’t hear my prayers

still the thought of buying future muslims with current muslims is terrifying and fills me with dread

that an order exists and it’s cruel and inconsistent

i hope it means nothing

it does mean nothing unless you can buy current lives with future ones

maybe they mean your god will reward someone (???) for enduring (???) genocidal carnage

by making more random muslims (???)

that’s a can of worms

one that leaves me incredibly grateful i’ve only learned how to worship men

at least plain ol men can’t be blamed for allowing (????) ethnic cleansings to happen on their property

at least on that big a scale

i’ve been kind of a muslim weeb lately

it’s a joke but now it’s getting weird

you’d think its weird

like i keep saying inshallah in russian sentences

and every time i think how if you could hear me you’d roll your fuckin eyes

and call me stupid

i don’t know why i’m obsessed

you muslims are curb stomping my heart

i broke up with the iraqi girl

i think your god made us to torture each other

it was november and i wanted to ask you what to do

half of my decision was prompted by israel

i think the other half was just what happens when you’re far away

only i could watch a genocide and feel sorry for myself

when the bombs fell the shrapnel tore open a scab on my lip

i couldn’t stop the bleeding (never could)

all i could taste was burning skin and wet steel

unwelcome alcohol and terrible adults

i longed for the comfort of you

and sought it in her

you fuckin muslims know how to chew up a fuckin heart

you muslims you men you humans

starting to think IM the problem

you men and girls and dead will turn me inside out and tear me to shreds

it’s down my throat back in my chest where it belongs except it’s different this time

it just hurts without the righteous angry enthusiasm

it’s just going crazy in my room at night

i’m so angry

but in the bad way like the way i’m not supposed to be

in the way that the angry boy who won’t answer the phone is always simmering

did you used to be that too

what did you do how did you stop being a boy how did you man the fuck up

cause i can’t

i miss you dog

i’m trying so hard to be like you

you’re everything i could ever dream of being

you’re so fuckin cool

i can’t replace you in the islamic equilibrium

no one can i know it doesn’t have to be me

i wished it hard

but still if i can’t be like you then what the fuck is anything

deadass i think a lot of happy hopeful thoughts when i think about you

i think you’d like that

got me dreaming about glorious revolution and shit

and garlic nang and you in your truck in the wild west

my toga is so fuckin cool

i sing it to myself

to mushu i tell him your toga asaan was a smart ass guy

he was a socialist and he read books and shit

would it be crazy if i named my first born after you

would i be setting them up for failure with a name like that

it’s crazy and stupid and not a name for me to give

i know

still i relish the idea of people asking why my heir has such a strange name

and telling them he’s named after an esteemed and accomplished anti imperialist activist

cause i can’t say you were good cause that’s basic and i would cry

i’m not man enough to replace that goodness

you can’t replace a guy who saved actual lives and also drank too much nyquil

if you were here i’d bully you for it forever

i’d never shut the fuck up i still never shut the fuck up about it

just incase you can hear me bullying you

you fuckin harami ass i see you now

i hope to giggle with you over our addictions one day

i hope to try hashish with you i hope to watch you hit a fifty nic disposable for the first time

to drink too much with you and ask you what you think of nine eleven

i don’t need to ask everything but at least that

and maybe a summary of what you were really getting into

[hewholivesinhisname]

Free America from Settler Colonialism

Since the Free Palestine folks are so goddamn self-righteous about Israel not being able to be a colonialist power (big surprise, it's only wrong when the Jews do it). I think we should take some time to remember that all the land we're on was stolen from a previous people. Honestly I think we should just try to make some arrangment where we expand the number of States by 517 or so so that everyone has a state since there are some things that America does well. However, I fucking hate how all these people have these supposed morals but only deploy them when it's convenient to oppose Jews. They hate the Jews because the Jews stand for God and the people, they hate God.

I will maintain and always maintain that none of the people who have all these high-falutin morals actually have any morality whatsoever. They say ceasefire, but what they really mean is that they want Israel to be defenceless as loss of American help would surely lead to the Arab nations thinking they can attack Israel.

Seriously, this can and will lead to Nuclear war as Israel does not have the manpower to fight off the arab nations with their groundtroops alone. These arab nations of course, they don't want to take care of the Palestinians at all. They don't like to take care of people.

If people actually had morals, we would be seeing them supporting aborginal people all day long which is a high ideal, but one that no one or almost no one actually supports and the reason they don't support it is that it involves being a moral person and not taking on a "go with the flow", might is right attitude. Rather, people just like to do whatever the authorities tell them to do.

they do not like to think for themselves and the authorities don't like it either.

We're obviously being prepared for an authoritarian dictatorship of, well, probably the worst sort and I can only imagine what it's going to be like. It might not even be a person because in those matrix movies, you know- that's their plans for the future. they have all these techno fantasies of control going on because all these super-nerds just want their numbers to go up on the screen.

Ever since I was a kid things have been getting worse. Freedoms we once had are lost. And you know, they always propose a "solution" and the "solution" is always the worst sort of solution you can imagine. They even have a bazillion "government programs" for the poor, but of course they never work, the poor keep getting poorer.

They just load you up with so much fake morality too. Has it ever occurred to people that real morality should lead to a good community? The word "freedom" is used a lot and what they mean I guess is the freedom to go around dominating others in any way they see fit. has it ever occurred to peopel that billions of people all going around trying to dominate each other is probably not the best way to go about things?

I love the show You can't stop progress. And the reason I love it is that it really just exposes just how stupid all this "progress" really is. And I, hypocrite, he's really great because he has the courage to be a, well, a white supremacist, which is at least honest. Because everyone is a supremacist. Someone has to be supreme and everyone has a method to be supreme. I see so many fucking #Supreme shirts around it has my head spinning.

I mean, actually I don't htink that history happened in the way that we think it did. I think reality started on July 4th, maybe the fifth on 1980. And one of the first things that happened was that Ronald Reagan, that fucking clown, got elected and destroyed the UN charter of rights in America in favor of the rights of corporations.

Why?

Because America stands agaisnt "dictators" so you can't have anyone in control. Most of the dictators are bad, it's true, but the rule by anonymous and faceless corporations is a lot, lot worse. The nations and corporations: they don't have feelings, they can't feel bad or good. However, they are a nice vehicle of greed.

The entire fucking ecosystem is getting wrecked right now in the name of a future 'techno-utopia" which quickly devolves into a cyber-nightmare.

You know, the native Americans had and have a lot going for them. A LOT. Honestly I think that the bulk of societal resources should go towards taking care of the ecosystem and the people in that ecosystem. You know, like in Paradise.

But in paradise, no one goes around claiming that they own the land. In Paradise, god (me) is in charge and we don't focus on GDP growth which is to say, growth of war. In paradise, you don't have a bunch of corporations enslaving everyone and pretending that it's just "jailing criminals"

[sortyourlifeoutmate]

One must admire the brass of the IDF in stating that Hamas puts their super-secret headquarters underneath hospitals specifically because the IDF ‘distinguishes between terrorists and civilians’ and Hamas doesn’t.

Like, look. The BBC caught some flak for even broaching the question “Does Hamas put anything under hospitals?” because merely asking it was seen as some prelude to making it seem okay when/if Israel blew one up, and that’s a dumb position to take. Hamas are not that nice, and it is entirely possible they might have something under a hospital, even if only because Gaza isn’t that big.

Does that mean they do? We don’t know. Does that mean it’s okay to bomb hospitals? Are you fucking insane.

That’s kind of the main issue with this whole line of everything, for me. A constant running line from the IDF is that Hamas deliberates uses the citizens of Gaza as human shields, doing so because it knows the IDF won’t target civilians and that also when inevitably civilians die in IDF airstrikes (which the civilians they don’t target presumably couldn’t run away from fast enough so that’s on them) Hamas can use their deaths as propaganda fodder.

And, I mean, does Hamas do dumb things with civilians nearby? Undoubtedly. You can’t really brush that away. It’s Gaza! It’s real fucking crowded!

But the IDF’s attempt to take the moral high ground – “Oh, we don’t target civilians, we wouldn’t do that.” – kind of gets increasingly hard to take seriously as the number of civilians they’ve killed just keeps climbing higher and higher. You know?

“We’re doing our best” only really goes so far, especially when you give every appearance of not even giving the merest whiff of a shit, and accusing your enemies of hiding behind civilians only really works if you don’t demonstrate a gleeful willingness to blow through those civilians anytime you think you see someone’s toe twitch.

As an aside, I am legitimately interested in where the IDF is getting it’s targeting information from. A lot of the time they apparently rely on informants, so is that still the case? They’re hitting – and loudly proclaiming that they’re hitting – hundreds and hundreds of targets. They got proper information on all of these? For underground tunnels? What crystal ball you got going there, guys?

So to sum up the whole thing is redundant. Hamas could have built a whole scale replica of Gaza underneath the real Gaza and, miraculously, it would still be bad for the IDF to say “Uh, could you lot just move south we’re just going to flatten this bit. Oh, and also bomb the south a bit too, thanks. By the way we’re not targeting you, we’re targeting the guy we know is underneath you.”

[ganurath]

Paradoxically, openly declaring a foreign policy objective makes it harder to achieve. We actually saw this not too long ago, when Donald Trump undermined negotiations to get the United States out of Afghanistan by openly telling the public that he was going to pull America out. This gave the people across the negotiating table leverage to decide whether or not that promise would be fulfilled.

If Kamala Harris openly committed to a ceasefire in Gaza, that gives people involved in the conflict that want her to fail incentive to delay or even oppose a ceasefire. Between Hamas "representing" Palestine and the current Israeli administration being friendly with Trump, it's all but certain that such a declaration would yield results contrary to their intention.

That said, a ceasefire is a perfectly reasonable thing to want. The process of making it happen is frustratingly complex, though, especially when acting as an outside party that's legally bound to honor an alliance with the side that has more guns. If you want a politician to purse a more assertive stance, tell them. The Uncommitted votes during the primaries did this, and Biden took a more assertive stance in response. Not as much as you'd likely prefer, but that legal obligation to be friendly with Israel doesn't go away just because their current administration is speedrunning "How The United States Fuck Up In Iraq."

How do you make sure that that message continues to resonate with Kamala Harris? Contact her campaign, contact the White House, contact your legislative representatives. Let them know that you don't like what's happening in Gaza, and get your friends to do the same. Get as many people as possible telling the people in power that you want to help, that you want the United States government to help.

(On a lighter note, I cannot recommend more strongly against email as a medium of communication. Physical mail and phone calls get much more prompt responses, from my experience. My congressional representative can go fuck himself.)

That said, there are two big reasons that withholding your vote is actually bad for the Palestinians. The first sounds obvious, but not a lot of people think about it: Politicians pay more attention to the people that vote for them than those that don't. "I didn't vote for you because of your policy on X." gets as much attention as a wholehearted supporter of the opposition. "I'm giving you my vote, and this is what I want in return." has a lot more teeth.

The other reason, predictably, is Trump. While improving the circumstances of the Palestinians is a complex and tedious process, makings worse can be quick and easy, which happens to be a specialty of that doddering, demented twit. He even has a plan for how: During his acceptance speech at the RNC, he said he would invade Gaza to free the American hostages from Hamas. Considering how chummy the rapacious oaf is with Netanyahu, it's all but certain that such an attack would be a coordinated operation. I for one can't imagine any way that that'd have an outcome that anyone could call good.

Well, that got away from me. But yeah, supporting Kamala while continuously reminding her of the problem is better than either option in OP's "uncritically support/withholding vote" binary. Shit's complicated, and while a happy ending may be impossible, striving for the impossible doesn't mean toiling in vain.

It does mean striving and toiling, though.

Cardi B saying “I will only vote for Kamala if she commits to a ceasefire in Gaza” shows that she has more political understanding than like 99% of you on here

[phantom-ellie]

The Art of (Smashing) Crockery Chapter 24: Duat

Please read content/trigger warnings at this link before proceeding with this chapter. Chapters 24-27 deal with some heavy concepts that aren't suitable for everyone.

Mary: Give any thought to moving back in?

Stede: yeah, i just need some time, i need to think and process things.

Mary: You have children who need to spend time with you, Stede. Mary: Don’t forget them.

Stede: i know Stede: they wouldn’t like to see me like this

Mary: Someone should. Don’t just hide away.

Stede: thank you

Post from the blog Hear Something Weird:

Sorriderai, nulla ha più senso ora, no, e girerò le città ma non ti scorderò!

Comments: YetAnotherGiantBassist: WandeRection, get Jim to tell me what this means, I don’t understand Spanish. TheRealWande: That’s Frenchie. And That’s Italian. YetAnotherGiantBassist: Is it French, or Italian?

---

Jack lets out a monstrous burp, and Ed wakes with a jolt.

“What day is it?” He asks, rubbing his temples.

“Who cares?” Jack tosses him another beer. “It’s a holiday somewhere. I’ve got 'em all on a calendar.” Jack points to a wrinkled calendar on the wall. Ed approaches it and squints.

“International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women,” he reads.

“Fuuuuuck Eddie, of course you pick the most boring one. What about National Parfait Day. You’d eat a parfait, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Unless it’s National Cake Day now. Do some whippies with me and we might make it all the way to National Craft Jerky Day.”

“I am not doing whippets with you, what am I, thirteen?” Ed cracks open the beer.

“I got lines.”

“How can you afford that? Wait, I don’t want to know.”

Jack smirks at Ed. “Why are you really here, big guy? Pretty sure you can afford better shit than I got. Hell, you should be buyin’.”

Ed shrugs. “Just wanted some company, I guess.”

“Wait, your buddy Izzy Hands isn’t good enough company for you?” He bursts out laughing. “Just kidding, he’s the worst.”

“Yeah, he fuckin’ is.”

---

Post from the blog Hear Something Weird:

fuck i’ve fucked up my life

Comments: WandeRection: There there man, you haven’t, you’ve got all sorts of mates trying to help you. MauritianSupremacy: Check your texts!

---

Stede: ed Stede: im sorry Stede: i made a mistake, i should have stayed and talked Stede: i think you were right Stede: it just fucking hurts so much, im so tired all the time Stede: you were a good friend ed, i hope you find someone who can be who you deserve them to be

---

Israel Hands sighs as he looks around at the mess. Supervision is supposed to be his talent, the one thing he does right in this god-forsaken job. But once again it’s all gone sideways under his watch.

He snaps at a kid to bring in the garbage cans, no not the little ones, the big gray fu-cans, please, and goes searching for his cleanup crew.

Nowhere to be found, of course. It’s Thanksgiving, and the Los Robles kids, current and former, get together to prepare and give meals to people at various shelters throughout the weekend. Builds character. Feeds people. Gives Izzy a fucking headache.

He rounds a corner and spots the duo of idiots who are supposed to be cleaning up this mess. Having an argument, as usual.

“Give him some privacy, amigo, his heart is broken!”

“Jim, he stopped using punctuation and capitals! This goes way beyond broken-hearted drunk posting.” Wande crosses his arms.

“If the idiota doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t have to talk!”

“Stede’s alone, Jim. Nobody can get in contact with him.” Izzy stops at the sound of the name. Fucking Stede Bonnet. Couldn’t be anyone else, could it?

“Would you two get to work? This place is a fucking mess.”

Wande looks up guiltily. “Sorry, Iz. It’s just that… we think our friend might be… a bit suicidal?” Jim crosses their arms and rolls their eyes.

“Oh yeah? Who’s your friend?” Please not him, please don’t make me deal with this.

Izzy knows that he is not a pleasant person. He is abrasive and mean and angry and it’s gotten him into trouble many times. But what keeps Izzy in his line of work is what he calls his complex. He’s really good at dealing with mental health crises. He can’t hear about one or see one without wanting to take charge and set things in order again, especially for someone who is incapable of setting themselves in order.

Usually.

He might have fucked it up with Ed last night, of course. Maybe. But he’s definitely not feeling guilty about it, at all. Ed had that conversation coming. Absolutely. Most definitely. Zero guilt on Izzy’s part.

Wande sighs and turns to him. “It’s our friend Stede, yeah? He’s a… well, he’s gone through a lot of shit recently, like, losing everything and everyone he’s loved, yeah?”

Jim sighs. “Show him the video, tonto.”

Wande nods. “And this happened yesterday, yeah? All over the ‘net, now. And nobody can find him, he’s just disappeared. Keeps posting sad shit on his blog, won’t talk to no one.”

Don’t watch it, don’t get sucked in to this rich asshole’s bullshit, don’t watch it-

He watches it. The bottom drops out his stomach. He grabs his phone and looks up.

“I told you two to clean this shit up. I’ll deal with this.”

---

Izzy: Edward, pick up your phone Izzy: I know you’re pissed at me, be pissed at me later, I’m serious Izzy: Your mate Stede is in serious crisis, I need to know where he is Izzy: Don’t fucking tell me you’re with Jack or some bullshit, pick up your fucking phone.

Post from the blog Hear Something Weird:

im only making it worse

Comments: TheRealWande: You got someone who can hang out with you right now? What about DreadNordGreybeard?

---

Ed and Jack have their backs on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

“Some people call ‘em planks, or ladders, or french fries…”

Ed scrunches his face. “No they fuckin’ don’t, mate, that’s stupid.”

“They aren’t stupid, you old buzzkill, they’re fun. You’ve got chicken feed, love boat, disco biscuit…”

“Are you seriously telling me you go up to dealers and ask for some disco biscuit?”

“Not since I got banned from all the clubs within walking distance.” Jack sighs happily.

Ed looks over at Jack. “And this… is the life? You enjoy it?”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I enjoy it? I do whatever I want. Nobody tells me what to do. I don’t have to answer to anybody.”

Ed returns his gaze to the ceiling, watching it move back and forth in a dizzy wave.

“Don’t you ever get lonely, Jack?”

“Lonely? I can get laid anytime, Eddie.” Jack pauses for a minute. “Why? You lonely?”

“I guess I am.”

“You wanna do something about it?”

Ed considers it for a moment. Then he shakes his head. “No. Pass the ‘bicycle parts,’ mate.”

“Suit yourself.” Jack hands over the Xanax and Ed takes a pill and sighs.

They lay there in silence.

“Okay, now I’m pretty sure it’s National Craft Jerky Day.”

---

Post from the blog Hear Something Weird:

relieve me leave me here im dying

Comments: PracticallyGayJesus: Where are you, man? This isn’t funny.

---

Stede: please reply even if it’s just to tell me to fuck off Stede: ok, i understand Stede: i wont bother you anymore, ed Stede: dont feel bad, nothing was your fault

Chapter 25

[cyberrat]

64th Batch Of Fics: 14th Fill

Lucius/Izzy – Part 5/? – cont B63F10 – dub-con somnophilia – Lucius becomes a bad boi... oh naughty naughty.

---

Lucius doesn’t have to pretend much of anything, he finds out just a day after his big epiphany. It’s hilariously easy to get underneath Mister Israel’s skin. He doesn’t have to do be different to his usual self, really. It seems more than enough to get the vein on the side of Izzy’s neck pulsing.

Though to be honest, there isn’t much that does not get him fuming, so there’s that. Lucius doesn’t really know where that leaves them but it’s not that important anyway. What is important is that whenever he manages to catch Izzy’s eye he winks at him and makes a kissy face because that makes his face ball up into a fist of rage while a quick, maiden-like flush crawls up his throat.

For such a grizzled pirate veteran, he does get awfully flustered when someone tries to give him a bit of lovin’.

It’s enough to give Lucius the courage to do what he’s doing now: looking for where Izzy has squirreled himself away during the night so he could see what damage he could do to that misplaced pride of his.

He finds him huddled, funnily enough, in the kitchen slash storage room where all of this has begun when he sucked Black Pete off. He is curled up against a wall, one hand clutching a little knife as if ready to kill at a moment’s notice. Which… uh… yeah he probably is.

Doesn’t mean that he has to wake up, though. It’s an idiotic thing to approach a sleeping man with a knife clasped in his hands, but Lucius is allowed to be stupid every once in a while. He only is because he’s horny, anyway. 

He wouldn’t do this if he didn’t really, really, really want to get into Izzy’s pants. He’s not this desperate for dudes usually; he’s got Black Pete to fool around with if he wants to get his dick wet one way or the other.

The thing is that Izzy just tickles him the wrong way. Or the right. Whichever. He’s so clearly and obviously hot for Lucius that it is infuriating how much he tries to deny it. Maybe getting a little taste of how good it could be to let some steam off every once in a while would get him to finally calm the fuck down and stop being a pain in everybody else’s ass.

That’s at least the excuse Lucius tells himself as he carefully sneaks closer, though still staying out of range of a blindly swiping arm with a knife attached to it.

He peers into Izzy’s face. The darkness in the storage area doesn’t make it too easy to see but he’s pretty sure that he is completely out of it. His face is slack in repose; he looks ready to start drooling, really.

Lucius inhales deeply, then holds his breath as he reaches out and carefully curls his fingers around what he can reach of the knife’s hilt. His face is pinched in anticipation of Izzy suddenly waking up after all and flying on him in a crazed rage to stab him to death… but when he tugs slightly, his hands just fall open and sink into his lap, leaving Lucius to almost drop the knife in his surprise.

Lucius exhales softly. His heart is pounding a mile a minute but that only means that he can feel his pulse throbbing in his cock because that idiot has been sitting up at attention for a while now. Curse his own horniness. Usually he’s the one shaking his head over the antics of his fellow crew members, but this time it is him that is getting stir crazy after weeks on sea without any proper outlet.

Black Pete is good and all… but there is just something so specially tantalizing about the one thing that he can’t have just out of reach.

He’s not usually a bad boy – despite the fact that he’s a pirate. In fact, he doesn’t think anybody in Bonnet’s crew is bad bad. A few might have killed someone at some point but… well that’s neither here nor there. It feels good to be a bad boy for a change.

Lucius puts the knife behind him; somewhere where it will be nice and out of reach, then rubs his hands over his thighs to try and dry them off at least a little bit. Damn, he hasn’t been this nervous in a good long while.

It turns out Mister Hands isn’t nearly as light a sleeper as one would assume. Or maybe Lucius just caught him at the tailend of a few sleepless nights. He wouldn’t put it past him to try and stay awake indefinitely, clutching his knife in the fear that the big, bad siren might come to seduce him…

It’s actually ridiculous.

Lucius gets his pants open before Izzy even flinches, fingers sliding in to curl around his cock. He’s not surprised that he’s not wearing any underwear… but he is surprised at how clean he is.

“Mmhhh someone is paying attention to personal hygiene,” he mutters under his breath, then freezes when Izzy shifts a little, his brows pulling together in an all-too-familiar frown. Actually, his face had looked a bit disturbing without his perpetual angry scowl. It’s better now.

Lucius pauses with Izzy’s limp dick in his hand, staring at him with his face slack in surprise.

“Nn?” The questioning little sound takes Izzy by surprise just as much as the fact that he’s got this far in the first place.

He swallows thickly, then whispers: “Sshh… go back to sleep… everything is fine.”

Izzy’s brows twitch. He moves his head a little as if to ask ‘is it?’.

Lucius curls his fingers around the cock in his hand and gives it a small squeeze and a tug before whispering breathlessly: “Just go back to sleep… and I’ll take real good care of you, yes? I’ll send you some nice dreams.”

Izzy exhales long. He doesn’t look particularly relieved, but he also doesn’t open his eyes or… or says anything. He just keeps sitting there as if waiting. So Lucius gathers up all the courage he has and… just continues. He licks his palm and curls it once again around Izzy’s cock, thumb dragging over his glans, wondering if the guy is too old to get it up in his sleep… but no, it’s growing warmer and he can feel the pulse of blood under his fingertips as it begins to fill out for him.

Bolstered by the response of Izzy’s body, he continues. Maybe he is a bit of a siren. How funny would that be.

[borisbubbles]

ESC 2021 Preshow: 08. France

Barbara Pravi - “Voilà”

Autoqualifier

France going from 3rd last on my ranking / likely last place in the finale to 8th place in the ranking / probably top 3 in the Grand Final. 😍 WHAT A GLOW-UP.

So, “Voilà” is epic, obviously. Yeah I will skip the theatrics, each and every one of you know this song and we all know it’s probably the best French entry in ages. 

Funnily enough, I didn’t care for “Voilà” when I first heard it lmfao. It felt similar to the song Patricia Kaas went to Eurovision with and while “Et s’il faillait le faire” has its fans, I was never one of them. Worse, the internet immediately resorted to refering to “Voilà” as a “masterpiece” which is probably the pretentious statement you can make about Eurovision songs. Guys, it’s an Edith Piaf-inspired tribute act. Calm the eff down. Still, even at this early a stage I was instantly charmed by Barbara’s introspection and pluck even if I didn’t care for the music at first. After all, Barbara was the mastermind behind jesc HITS “Bim bam toi” and “J’imagine” and if she wants to bring a song that puts HER SELF at the forefront, she’s perfectly entitled to do so. About fucking time. On top of that, I thought the ending was sublime, even in studio version. “Why can’t the entire song be like that”, I thought. And then, E:CVQD arrived and Barbara SERVED, OUTSOLD, SLAYED, etc every superlative under the sun. 

So remember when I aired my critique regarding Gjon? “Tout l’Univers” is an “Objectively Strong” composition in that it employs music theory to conjure up a song that sounds impressive on first listen. But behind that academic skill lies virtually nothing of interest. I cannot connect with it beyond a base level because what does it tell me about Gjon or his story? Technique without a heart or a soul is merely pretense. But I suppose it can sound sophisticated to someone who doesn’t know what “sophistication” is. 

Barbara, however. Her personality just SPRINGS FORWARD on an approachable level from the first note. “Voilà”s’s technical expertise and Barbara’s own perfomance talents carry this vibe, this SERVE of personality, through the full three minutes without ever getting boring or tedious and they leave me craving for another listen. ALL OF THESE ARE AMAZING TRAITS IN A EUROVISION SONG. And this is just from the studio version, the live stage show makes it even better. 

So yeah, homeboy’s got his work cut out for him because if this is his competition he’ll have to graft hard for his victory.

NF Corner -  C’est Vous Qui Décidez

In what would become a running theme amidst countries this year, France led the charge in a personal project called #OperationForget2020, in which every trace of last year would be subsequently memory-holed. To acheive this, they revived their NF, gave it a new name and pretended it was ~The First NF of Its Format~ (so basically doing what Lithuania did last year when they rebranded Atranka into PiN).

INCIDENTALLY, this would also wind up the best NF of the year, pretty much by default because France had the most to win. Even though Barbara was the obvious winner from the instant the songs were revealed, the French had some excellent back-up options in their arsenal. Let’s rummage through them shall we?

LMK - “Magique”

R&B Trap wench <3 “Magique” starts off pretty and cute for fifteen seconds, before whiplashing hard into kick-ass tropical house territory. Her Slovene spirit mothers Raiven and Lea Sirk are so proud of her <3 She definitely deserved much better than the result she got (being NQ with the audience O_O), but lol it’s France, they ain’t NEVER crowning a sexually confident sassy woman, let’s not kid ourselves. 

Céphaz - “On a mangé le soleil”

This Hat God had me at that title. “We have eaten the sun” 😍😍😍😍. More songs should adopt a fatalistic environmental angle by using consumption-related metaphors à la “we’ve devoured out planet :burp:, MOAR”, and then set this suuuuper cynical and depressing text to an upbeat and optimistic soundtrack <3 The “Hey ya” tease of it all. 😍

Amui - “Maeva”

So cheerful it turns a surly cretin such as myself into a blundering mass of uwu. It’s like a nillies Eurovision semi NQ’er suddenly wandered into the set, so derivative and repetitive and tacky but SO fun and happy-go-lucky <3 The entire premise of “Maeva” is basically like: “VISIT FRENCH POLYNESIA, WE ARE THE MOST HOSPITABLE PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH” <333 using this message in the middle of a worldwide viral pandemic <33333333 Normally fun-trash like this would be murdered at first sight by any jury, but whoops “Maeva” turned out a massive televote hit HEHEE 😛 and finished third in the televote despite being last or second last with the jury. Those Tahitian diasporia votes coming through <3

Adriamad - “Allélujah”

TACKY EUROTRASH <3 Lol when I think of it, did I like this NF because it was good or because it was so fun-trash. Anyway, this display of diversity would normally be on my shitlist but it’s honestly SO OTT in its ~People Of The World Of All Colours Are Equal~ message it circles back into funny. The eye gimmick, the hammy choreography, the obnoxious fusion of several cultures into a nondescript ethnotrash hodgepodge, the fucking LYRICS everything is so funny and so entertaining it’s giving me LIFE. 😍 I’d say it deserved better but “Allélujah” stranding in the demifinal (not a typo) is honestly a much, much more satisfying result <3

Predicted Journey - France

Barbara is going on that Mahmood trajectory, I see. Early fave who gets near unanimous critical acclaim, rules solely on top until the other contenders show up and is then put on the backburner because she’s an autoqualifier and therefore isn’t a part of the “who will qualify?” discussions. Then, the rehearsals will happen and everyone will remember “hey, that French chick we almost forgot about is actually REALLY good” allowing her to pick up momentum again, catapulting her into the top five. So it is written, such it shall be.

The question is... Can she win? 

The answer is: yeah, possibly? At this point we have three potential contenders: Gjon for Switzerland and Destiny for Malta are the main rivals and I’d say Barbara has one big advantage over Gjon and Destiny: She already has a great live performance to back up her potential winner status. In fact, Barbara is a fave to win because we know what she’s going to bring in Rotterdam.  Gjon and Destiny could theoretically still bomb if their staging is off (and both are getting theirs done by Sasha Jean-Baptiste, soooooo) and their contenderness is based on things such as hype and expectation. Barbara meanwhile already had her baptism by fire when she competed in E:CQVD, which she handily won.

The problem though is Gjon Muharremaj. For the average eurofan, France and Switzerland have similar entries and it will result in a tug-of-war between which of them has the better song. Either could win this televote bout, and whoever does could beat Malta.. .but that would require Malta to have a disappointing televote result and with each passing day this is starting to look less likely. (Jury results matter less because they’re probably the top 3).  Personally I don’t really have a preference between Barbara OR Destiny as a win for either would push Eurovision in a better direction (A Gjon win though... I am TERRIFIED that may result in a 2022 contest filled with Vincent Bueno’s and Vasils), but if these three are indeed the top three, Barbara’s position is the most secure although she’s probably also the least likely one to actually win. Pray that I’m wrong though and we can all meet at her flat in Montmartre for a covid-proof afterparty. 

Projected placements:

> Grandfinal: 1st-5th (predicted Runner-up)

THE RANKING: 

01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. FRANCE - Barbara Pravi - “Voilà” 09. BULGARIA - Victoria - “Growing up is getting old” 10. LATVIA - Samanta Tina - “The moon is rising” 11. GREECE - Stefania - “Last dance” 12. SWEDEN - Tusse - “Voices” 13. IRELAND - Leslie Roy - “Maps” 14. CROATIA - Albina - “Tick Tock” 15. MOLDOVA - Natalia Gordienko - “Sugar” 16. ITALY - Måneskin - “Zitti e buoni” 17. ALBANIA - Anxhela Peristeri - “Karma” 18. UNITED KINGDOM - James Newman - “Embers” 19. LITHUANIA - The Roop - “Discoteque” 20. ESTONIA - Uku Suviste - “The lucky one” 21. FINLAND - Blind Channel - “Dark side” 22. AZERBAIJAN - Efendi - “Mata Hari” 23. the NETHERLANDS - Jeangu Macrooy - “Birth of a new age” 24. CZECH REPUBLIC - Benny Christo - “Omaga” 25. DENMARK - Fyr og Flamme - “Øve os på hinanden” 26. SLOVENIA - Ana Soklič - “Amen” 27. SWITZERLAND - Gjon’s Tears - “Tout l’Univers” 28. ROMANIA - Roxen - “Amnesia” 29. SERBIA - Huricane - “Loco loco” 30. POLAND - Rafał - “The ride” 31. ISRAEL - Eden Alene - “Set me free” 32. GEORGIA - Tornike Kipiani - “You” 33. PORTUGAL - The Black Mamba - “Love is on my side” 34. SPAIN - Blas Cantó - “Voy a quedarme” 35. NORWAY - Tix - “Fallen Angel” 36. CYPRUS - Elena Tsagrinou - “El Diablo” 37. AUSTRIA - Vincent Bueno - “Amen” 38. NORTH MACEDONIA - Vasil - “Here I stand” 39. GERMANY - Jendrik - “I don’t feel hate”

[nyaheum]

My yearly list of Eurovision songs after the first impression (I mean, for like, half of them. I heard snippets of some songs.). Judged on music videos, because...if I only listen to the songs on Spotify, my eyes get bored. :’)

(oh, and don’t talk to me about iceland’s placement, I know this might be unpopular)

X. Belarus

Fuck Belarus, all my homies hate Belarus. Not even going to grace them with a rating.

Norway (TIX – Fallen Angel)

...no. :( And it’s not even because Keiino didn’t win, I just wholeheartetly hate this song. And I’m kinda sorry to TIX, because he seems like a cool dude and his stage outfit is absolutely hilarious, but oh my god do I hate this song with an absolute burning passion.

Poland (RAFAL – The Ride)

eye emoji mouth emoji eye emoji – well, this is a non-qualifier if I’ve ever seen one. Can we just...skip this?

Belgium (Hooverphonic – The Wrong Place)

Nap time! This song annoys me. I cannot explain it, but it gives me a headache and my whole body is revolting against this song. I am not kidding. Objectively, I don’t even hate it, but there’s just something about it...that makes me go...hnghgng…

North Macedonia (Vasil – Here I Stand)

eye emoji mouth emoji eye emoji ver. 2 – I am not trying to sound mean, but does North Macedonia do any music that is not dramatic power ballads? I’m serious. (And I don’t like it, sorry. :((...except for the high notes, I like them. When he can hit them live.)

Estonia (Uku Suviste – The Lucky One)

This (the music video)...is soft porn. I am slightly scared of Uku. I don’t know why. But, uh...this is better than last year’s song? Still, it wouldn’t qualify under my watch, whoops.

Georgia (Tornike Kipiani – You)

He stopped yelling angrily at the microphone. :((( Nah, but this isn’t my thing. It’s great that they are doing their own thing, it’s just not really my thing...it also reminds me of a song I know, damn.

Austria (Vincent Bueno - Amen)

He looks like a german youtuber. I don’t know hich one, but he looks like one. I also canot tell if he’s 18 or 38, lol. (For some reason he also reminds me of Alex Albon, which is even weirder.)...oh, uh, the song? Idk, I don’t care for I. It’s fine.

Spain (Blas Cantó – Voy A Querdarme)

Confession: I’m probably the only person who actually doesn’t like the sound of Spanish all that much. Whoops. Apart from that though, I’m not the biggest fan of this song. Can’t really say more about that. Meh.

The Netherlands (Jeangu Macrooy – Birth Of A New Age)

Listen: I really like the tone of this voice. It’s great. I am not a fan of the song. There’s something just very off about the loud percussions (?) in the background that make me go absolutely crazy when listening to this. My sensory-overload-prone ears hate it, and I’m sorry...the part before the last chorus on the other hand I love. The whole song could have sounded like that and I would have loved it. (...and I can’t unhear “You are my broccoli – You know my broccoli!” ;-;)

Azerbaijan (Efendi – Mata Hari) Whenever I see Efendi, my brain still goes “Cleopatrrrrra!”, oof. This song sounds like a song I know. Which...is super unprecice, but I genuinely don’t know which one. I do like that they kept the weird pre-chorus thing from Cleopatra (and reference the song later on), but I must say that I liked Cleopatra more...but it’s a party song, so I think it will be fun on stage!

Romania (ROXEN - Amnesia)

I didn’t like her song last year, I don’t enjoy this all too much and I’m kinda sorry but also...I don’t want to apologize for my taste in music, lmao. I want her hair though. Give me her hair.

Denkmark (Fyr & Flamme – Ove Os Pa Hinanden)

Ring ding ding, native language bonus. This is also way more fun than I thought it would be, hah. VERY retro, but I don’t hate that? :D (this and sweden really aren’t any different in terms of how much I like them)

Portugal (The Black Mama – Love Is On My Side)

I can appreciate this. I just wish it was in Portuguese, honestly. I don’t really know if I like the English for this song. That being said, I don’t know if you can make these very specific tones (you know what I mean) in portuguese without it sounding super off, so…

Ireland (Lesley Roy – Maps)

Okay, you do you Ireland. :D

Israel (Eden Alene – Set Me Free)

This exists. :D

Cyprus (Elena Tsagrinou – El Diablo)

Cyprus came to party, and I can’t be mad at that. I just don’t know why everybody in the YouTube comments loves this SO MUCH that they are sure that it will win if it gets the jury votes. I don’t think it’s as good as Fuego or She Got Me were, but maybe I just have no taste in party music. I don’t party. (Only if you got a 2000s playlist and some iced tea.)

France (Barbara Pravi – Voilà)

FRANCE sending a BALLAD? In MY Eurovision? It’s more likely than you think. It’s good, objectively. Personally, I don’t really care for it all that much and feel like I already know it.

United Kingdom (Embers – James Newman)

A good, modern song? In my british eurovision song? What happened on the Isles over quarantine? Are you guys okay? Did you find yourself? Have you taken your last breath (breath!) and looked at your past results? I’m impressed enough to put this relatively high, wow.

Serbia (Hurricane – LOCO LOCO)

*adore delano voice* party! Oh, and native language bonus...for a party song! I’m...impressed, actually. I cannot decide wheter I prefer this or Hasta La Vista, but I think it’s this one? The flows smoother, if that means literally anything.

Bulgaria (VICTORIA – Growing Up Is Getting Old)

*shrugs* I think a lot of people will like this. And I get that. I think I even understand it...yeah. I didn’t like her song last year either. It’s just personal preference, I think. I just want to have fun during Eurovision, hah.

Finland (Blind Channel – Dark Side)

Finland: FUCK YOU!!! Germany: Fuck you. <3

That’s all I’ll say, we know how the Finnish are, this is not surprising, lmao. (And I’m one of those children that grew up on Rammstein, so I legally cannot dislike this.)

Croatia (Albina - Tick-Tock)

Tick-tock, can you hear me go tick-tock? My heart is like a clock, I'm steady like a rock-...oh wait, wrong tick-tock! Still, really enjoy this song’s chorus – I actually enjoy it so much that it makes up for the utter loss of interest I experience once it’s over, chrm.

Sweden (Tusse – Voices)

I mean...let’s be honest, it’s a generic swedish pop song. It sounds like every other Swedish entry, and I think that bothers me. I know, that sounds kind of...weird, looking at my choices higher up in the list, but...meh. I think this will easily qualify for the Final and place high, and I am totally okay with that. It’s just not...what I wanted, I guess? :D (and i’m sorry but as a german-speaker I cannot get over the name “tusse”) (oh, and tusse seems to be super cool)

Albania (Anxhela Peristeri - Karma)

Oh, we’re going to war in 130 A.D.? Fine, let me just pack my spear and- oh, Albania has already sent a singer? Ah, well, might as well give up and just vibe.

Czech Republic (Benny Cristo - omaga)

This sounds fun. Not a winner or anything, but fun. I’ll probably still be on Twitter when he’s performing, whoops.

Slovenia (Ana Sklic - Amen)

Wait, there’s TWO songs called Amen? And why do I actually kinda like this? Oh well, might as well just accept it. (Her voice though...mhmmhmhm…yes please)

Iceland (Dadi og Gagnamagnid – 10 Years)

We just vibin’. I liked Think About Things more, but I’m very much biased here...because I’ve known that song for a year now. But this is still very good, and very on brand. (And I understand like...half of the lyrics, but I am okay with that.)

Australia (Montaigne - Technicolour)

not australia flexing at all of europe that they can hold big gatherings! D: oh, but I like this way more than last years song. I feel like Montaigne can show her GREAT voice way better in this song. (Even though her outfit and the sound of the song reminds me of the UK song that had...a dude run on the stage. I can’t think of the word for it right now.)

Malta (Destiny – Je Me Casse)

Destiny’s voice is just….wow. This is very different than All My Love, but it’s fun. The topic of the lyrics kinda remind me of Toy, and I like that…..I don’t really like the music video (especially the dancers in the colorful dresses? idk), but I’ll just ignore that.

Germany (I Don’t Feel Hate - Germany)

Confession time: I actually actively enjoy this song. Everybod is shitting on it, but it’s FUN and it has a good message, and Jendrik seems like the nicest dude ever and...it doesn’t deserve all the hate it’s getting? It’s completely self-produced and just fun. Stop being mean. :(

(...also someone on youtube said “pewdiepie” and I can’t unsee that now so fuck you >:((...no, no I don’t feel hate, just rethink your life choices)

Moldova (Natalia Gordienko - SUGAR)

What in the “Eis.de ist in der Kiste” is this music video? And I thought I would absolutely hate this song, but I actually don’t mind it all that much. It’s actually fun. Oh no, I’m splipping, someone catch me, aaaaaahhhhh….(and that poor cake dude. Is this song about cannibalism? Does she want to eat him?)

San Marino (Senhit – Adrenalina)

Catch me hum the chorus of this song at least once a day...but honestly, without any malicious intent: what the actual FUCK san marino? This is so much better than Freaky, and even though I do not believe for one second that this will win, the simple outragiousness of bringing Flo Rida to Eurovision deserves attention. (Bringing someone like Flo Rida to ESC sounds more like Scandinavia/Bulgaria, doesn’t it?)

Russia (Manizha – Russian Woman)

Not gonna lie, I miss Little Big, but at least they are sending something that’s at least as weird. I love that. Russian Rap is cool as fuck anyway, so I’m fully here for this...but I’m glas this song doesn’t have a music video, this just has to be a live performance. (Oh, and another strong woman!)

Ukraine (Go_A – SHUM)

I’m SO glad Go_A are back. But, let me be completely honest: I know why they had to change the lyrics, but I still liked the first version better. BUT I feel like the new one will grow and me and it will climb one or two places, because the Instrumental just slaps SO HARD. (Makes me feel like putting on a Cybergoth outfit and start dancing at a German industrial park, lmao.)

Latvia (Samanta Tina – The Moon Is Rising)

Does this count as my guilty pleasure this year? I loved her song last year, and this sounds similar, so...I like this too. It sounds modern as fuck (well, for Europe, you know) and I can definitely...”vibe” with that. I genuinely really enjoy this, and I don’t know why. (Even though I prefer last years drop.) A lot of “strong, independent women”-songs this year, and I’m not complaining.

Switzerland (Gjon’s Tears – Tout l’Univers)

Just so we’re clear, this and Italy share the exact same spot. I just cannot compare them at all. Gjon’s voice just takes me hostage throughout this whole song and won’t let me go. And everything that isn’t english/is in the countries offical language immediately gets plus points from me. As if this song needed them anyway.

Lithuania (The Roop – Discoteque)

Aaaaaand...dance break! Good, I just love them so much, it’s not even funny anymore. And I’ve been singing this song randomly since it came out. I can’t stop. It has burned itself into my brain. Let’s dis-co-teque right at my home! *waves arms around with no sign of coordination*

(and does anyone else feel like he’s serhat, just with a different alignment? Like, they are both chaotic, but serhat is chaotic neutral and he’s either chaotic good or chaotic bad, it really depends on the way he looks at the camera)

Italy (Maneskin – Zitti E Buoni)

Italy delivers, as they do every year. Not only do I really like this song (it is very much my genre), THIS is an aesthetic I can get behind! Knowing Eurovision, I doubt it will win, but damn if it won’t be super fun! (I am so glad this won Sanremo, hah.)